Seasons

Life comes in seasons, doesn’t it? When it rains, it pours…. The long dark night of the soul… This too shall pass…. We have all sorts of idioms and turn of phrase that demonstrate the seasonish nature of our lives.

I’ve had seasons of writing regularly. I’ve had seasons of not-writing at all. I do this because I enjoy it. I write because I hope it will bless someone else, and there are seasons when I’m working so much at other things, I don’t take the time to write. Is this a start to a season of writing? I kinda hope so. I’ve had so much in my mind that I want to share and put out there I feel like I just gotta start writing. But then, what if I write a few posts and then stop, again? Is that a lack of self-discipline?

Yep, this is how I think sometimes! Luckily, my hubby still loves me even when my thoughts vear off into never-never land.

So, here goes an attempt to start writing, again.

Mother Culture

Is there not some need for “mother culture”? But how is the state of things to be altered? So many mothers say, “I simply have no time for myself!” “I never read a book!” Or else, “I don’t think it is right to think of myself!” They not only starve their minds, but they do it deliberately, and with a sense of self-sacrifice which seems to supply ample justification. There are, moreover, unfortunately, only too many people who think that sort of thing so lovely that public opinion appears to justify it. But does public opinion justify anything? Does it justify tight-lacing–or high heels–or bearing-reins for horses? It can never justify anything which leads to the “Oh, it’s only mother” tone in any young person. 

I will start by fully acknowledging that I am a nerd. But even if you are not, that is no excuse to not be learning. And mothers, especially, should be investing in themselves because they have such important work in the investing of little ones (and big ones, as they eventually become!). We want to have much to offer our children, but we must have something to give. Yes, ‘self care’ is a part of this, but its not pedicures and massages (though those have a place, for sure!) that I speak of. It’s Mother Culture.

What is Mother Culture?

This is a mother investing in her own mind by various means. Study, reading, drawing, creating. Ideas are food for the mind, and if she doesn’t seek to feed her mind, her mind will atrophy. Just as the body atrophies when it isn’t fed, so the mind does. With all the demands on a mother’s attention and time, she has to be intentional about feeding her mind. When she doesn’t, she risks having nothing to offer her children as they seek to feed their own minds. And as children grow, the kind of ideas they want and need grow with them.

Productive labor, Reproductive labor, Scholé and Entertainment

Most people will be able to identify productive labor and entertainment as categories for how to spend your time. Scholé is that time when you are seeking refreshment and enrichment. From handicrafts to reading to art, scholé is a broad category. Mother Culture, however, falls into the reproductive labor category*. Generally, this is the labor of investing in others, caring for others, loving others. Sounds like a mother’s job, yes? And for a mother to love her children especially well, she can grow her own mind by feeding it with good quality stuff.

How I do Mother Culture

I will fully acknowledge that for me, Mother Culture overlaps with Schole. I find the time I spend reading, thinking and writing refreshing and rejuvenating. And not everyone will find this true for them (though I expect it won’t be a draining as many think it will be). I got this idea from a podcast episode on Your Morning Basket by Pam Barnhill, about Mother’s Morning Basket. It’s not a basket, and I don’t work from it the morning, but you’ll see the connection.

I found that a medium flat rate box (from USPS), with flaps cut off, fit wonderfully in a worn out reusable grocery bag. The bag by itself is good for getting wet and dirty, but doesn’t provide much support and books, journals, etc would topple it. I like stuff that will stand up and I don’t have to dig to find anything. On the other hand, a box on its own isn’t great for one handed transportation. I’ve got a toddler, and I need one handed transportation abilities. And a box that was already used to ship something is great for ‘can get wet and dirty’. I get most of my reading time when I’m outside with the boys. If I’m inside I always seem able to have something more urgent calling me.

I can be very hap-hazard about picking out the books I’m going to work through. I picked out my current set by… inspiration. I want to be more intentional, but really, there are SOOOO MANY books, and not nearly enough time. And these (the SOOOO MANY) are only the books worth reading (as one part of a good education is knowing what NOT to read). :::sigh:::

Currently, I’m reading Know and Tell by Karen Glass, and Planet Narnia by Michael Ward. And there is Start Here by Brandy Vencel with For the Children’s Sake. I often toss things I print out into this box so that the next time I sit down to read, I can read it. I keep my common place journal in the box, also.

But there are other standard items that will just live in the box.

• matches for lighting the bug candle when outside
  water bottle, ’cause I always need to drink more water
  sunscreen, b/c we live in central Texas
  chap stick, b/c we live in central Texas
  pens, as you totally need a large selection to choose from when writing in your journal, even though you always choose the same one
• note cards
• book darts
• post it notes
• extra bookmark (’cause the toddler likes them, too!)

Where to find good reading material?

There are a few places I find good options for reading that has good, strong ideas that feed my mind. In general, its good to have 3 types of books: a stiff book, a moderately hard book, and an easy book, aka a novel. Now, I know myself well enough to know that I can’t just always have a novel going, or novels are all I’ll ready. Especially, a good murder mystery by Agatha Christie or Dorothy Sayers.

I have found good book lists from Brandy at afterthoughtsblog.net, from listening to the Scholé Sister’s podcast, other podcasts, a slew of different sites, facebook friends, instagram…. I do know that I aim to know who the recommendation comes from, as that informs me of what kind of book it will be. Ann Bogel has book recommendations out the wa-zoo, but I know that I’m not going to be interested in most of it. But, when Mystie Winkler or Pam Barnhill recommends the book, there is a better chance it’s up my alley. As you start paying attention, you’ll find a good source of book recommendations. Here is my goodreads, but I’m a hoarder of to-read books, so be warned!

So, go and do likewise! How can I help you get your Mother Culture on?

Please note that all my links for things are just links. I get no kickback and nothing but goodwill (maybe) for linking to other’s sites.

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*I got this idea from an article by Sybil Schwarzenbach, called “On Civic Friendship”. Here is the citation:
Sibyl A. Schwarzenbach, “On Civic Friendship,” Ethics 107, no. 1 (Oct., 1996): 97-128.
https://doi.org/10.1086/233698

Home educating…but not homeschooling

Completely unrelated photo from a field trip this month. Just thought it was pretty!

I have long desired to have the opportunity to homeschool my children, but God has clearly said NO (perhaps He is really saying “wait”, but only time will tell…). The irony of this is that both of my husband’s siblings homeschool their children and my own sister homeschools her own. To further the irony, out of all of them, I am the only one who was actually homeschooled! I was homeschooled from seventh grade through graduation. When I met and married my husband, we didn’t really discuss education plans for future children, though if we did, I probably didn’t really have an opinion. Honestly, I was so head over heels for him that I would have moved to Timbuktu if he said so (and I still love him that much!). Fortunately, he was clear in informing me that he never wanted to live anywhere other than Texas…but I digress.

This desire has been on my heart for a long time, and I’ve spent a lot of time praying about it – that God would somehow change hearts so that I can do it. However, I sometimes wonder what I’m really desiring – a chance to teach my children or just something other than what I have right now?

A few months ago as I was praying about this (or rather, complaining to God about it), I could clearly hear God speak. Not an audible voice, but a clear voice inside my mind:

 Me: O Lord, please let me homeschool!

Voice: WHY do you want to be able to homeschool?

Me: I want to be able to teach my children, Lord! Is that not a good desire?

Voice: Then teach your children.

Me: What? I asked to be able to homeschool my kids…oh, wait.

After that brief exchange, I remembered what is often said “You are your child’s first teacher“. Yes, I had them with me for the first five or so years, and I was their first teacher. My role as their teacher didn’t end just because they have now started attending school. I began to be convicted that I had neglected this responsibility. That snarky attitude that my son has developed? It is not just from the influence of kids at school. It is my responsibility to teach him how to interact with others and respect those in authority. The violence and disregard for human life that has become evident in their imaginative play? I need to consider how they are spending their time after school each day – who let them have so much exposure to media that promotes those ideas? I wish I could say that I immediately came up with a plan and began to address issues I noticed in my parenting. Instead, I’ve spent most of the time making a plan. I’ve made a few changes here and there, but nothing of really to speak.

I’m not sure who first introduced me to Charlotte Mason, but I was quickly enamored with her ideas. I mean, who cannot love a woman who emphasized reading books, spending time in nature, and keeping journals??? I searched high and low for someone who had walked the path before me – someone who had taken Miss Mason’s ideas and applied them to their life, with kids attending the local public school (that does not follow CM principles). I struggled with what I should do, and focused on gathering information rather than taking any real steps.

I’ve had the opportunity to participate in the Charlotte Mason Boot Camp (CMBC) that Brandy Vencel from Afterthoughts runs a couple times a year.  At first, I worried about how it would go since I’m not a real “homeschooler”. However, it gave me a good introduction to Miss Mason, and each week has focused on key areas of her methods and principles. It was the first time I’ve read large chunks of her writing. I began to understand what her ideas and principles really mean, and it’s given me a chance to figure out what changes I need to make with my children. I am so thankful that I had a chance to complete CMBC, and I’m looking forward to studying Miss Mason’s 20 Principles further with my CMBC group this summer.

I’m still figuring out exactly what this looks like for us, but I can now say that I am home educating my children…but not homeschooling. I hope I can share more about what this looks like – my plans as well as how it actually works out – sometime soon!

From Rachael: Welcome, sweet sister in all kinds of ways. I enjoy what you write, and look forward to reading more!

Long Time, No See!

I’m not at fickle at life as I am at blogging. Luckily.

Life got busy, as it does, and its slowing down a bit now, as it does. So, I thought I might give it a try again, blogging on a regular basis. And I’ve got a lot to share with all y’all!

Youngerandson.net

Our home business has a blog now! And I’m one of the two bloggers. It’s been an adjustment, as I blog here as I’m inspired. But there, we are blogging on a schedule.

Co-op is done until August

Our last day was April 27. I was glad to be done, but sad that we are done. Does that make any sense? And next year I’m teaching Physical Science, which I’ve taught before, and When Einstein Dines, which is a class of my own creation. It’s basically science in the kitchen, a practical application of biology and chemistry. I’m super excited, but I’ve got a lot of planning to do for it. Since I’m teaching Physical Science for a 2nd time, I’m excited to organize it better.

Still doing alignment work

Someday we will be earning enough in other ways that I won’t be doing this. But for now, I continue giving a few hours each week to matching educational materials with state standards. Not exciting, and as a homeschool parent who is a bit disdainful of state standards, it’s ironic I do this work. But it pays well, so I keep at it for now.

Extended “summer” Break

I’m practicing Masterly Inactivity. And the kids are having a great time.

We started our ‘summer’ break a few weeks ago. It’s nice outside and both boys want to be outside. I want to be outside. So, we are taking a break with school and will start back up when it gets HOT. I think this means we are ‘year round’ home schoolers. I’ll take the flexibility that gives us.

Embryo Adoption Update!

We started the protocol to do a transfer last fall, but then hit some paperwork snags. Those were overcome and we started the process again a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, the timing didn’t work for a transfer this cycle. We will try again next cycle. The protocol this clinic uses is less invasive, but harder to schedule.

 

Your child’s first teacher — yes, you.

This is a draft of a post I wrote years ago. I’m struggling to get much writing done, so thought I’d get an old draft together and published.

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I have been thinking more about my last rant on children’s books and such things. Of course, I often think about what I’m teaching Doctor Destructo (who is now known as Little Man) and what I want to teach him. I am an educator by nature and education, so I think a lot about educating. And I can be a bit odd, so Hubby tells me, so that might be it, too.

My very own sister made a good point, that these Curious George books are ones I read growing up and have I embraced the irresponsible life style? No, I escape unscathed. However, when chatting with my Dad, I learn that he and Mom had similar misgivings about the books. Thus, I suspect that a fair number of conversations and teaching moments were about logical consequences and being responsible.

All this to say that you have GOT to talk with your child. Yes, yes, every parent who bothers to seek out and read any parenting magazine or website will be told “talk to your child. When you are giving them a bath, talk to them about what you are doing. When you are changing their diaper, tell them what you are doing.”  This is a good starting point, for sure, when you are looking at this little bundle of unfinished neural connections (not my words, got that from someone else) and you have no idea what they are thinking or even if they are thinking (but they probably are, ’cause that is what kids do).

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Yeah, I can have strong opinions….. And now, I know that sometimes, I just want quiet. My quiet. Little Man quiet. All quiet. It’s good to not talk sometimes. Sometimes a few years of experience brings perspective, right?

This is how I blog….

Yep. I was doing great at a few posts a week for a few weeks and then …  2 weeks without any. :::sigh::: I’m trying!

Co-op has started and 2 weeks down. It’s been a good 2 classes and the students are getting the hang of oral narration. The high schoolers seem to get narration more than the jr high students, but that might just be an issue of maturity.

I’ve got a lot to share about how I’m doing these classes, from a form for lesson planning I created, the alarms on my tablet I set up, to figuring out what works and what doesn’t of the experiments from the books. Seriously, sometimes the instructions in the book make it way harder to do than it should be.

 

I’m not doing a schedule overhaul of our homeschool schedule, but I’m tweaking a bit to make it fit better. And making it prettier!

And, of course, the week *after* his 1 year checkup, Mr Wigglesworth starts pulling up and is now cruising from sofa to coffee table. Oh, dear. Now, no surface is safe! He regularly clears the coffee table and has decided that board books just don’t hold enough interest for him. No, not at all. He must have the big books! So far, only 1 page has been ripped out of 1 book… but the bookshelf is going to move soon. This bibliophile can’t handle the rough housing with the books.

It has always taken me 2 or 3 weeks to adjust to a new schedule. This new schedule has taken several weeks to fully flesh out in this full-on, school has started schedule. Hubby is teaching 2 full days a week, Wednesday night bible study/kids stuff at church has started and co-op is in full swing. We are working hard at being consistent with our daily routines and doing school.

And I’m down for the count by evening. It doesn’t help that Hubby and I struggle to get ourselves to bed at a reasonable time. When the boys are asleep, it so nice to veg… watch some old-school Doctor Who*, do some dinking, have a snack we’d never offer to Little Man (graham cracker with peanut butter and chocolate chips… yum).

Ah, life. Bring it on.

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*We are into season 14 with Tom Baker as The Doctor. We are seeing that many themes of the new Doctor Who episodes are taken from these old episodes. So fun!

Class Time Routine

I have found, and heard from others, that a basic procedure that is followed for class time makes planning easier and then students just know what is coming and happening. Co-op classes start this Friday, so I gotta get my button gear and start planning class time. This structure should make it easy to plan several weeks out (which helps make sure I’ve got the supplies I need).

Each class is 50 minutes. And, of course, the very first class will be a bit different just because it’s the first class. But, in general:

• 10 minutes: Group narration of the reading.
• 10 minutes: Questions from students about reading and/or socratic questioning from me
• 30 minutes: activity time. “Centers” style: 3 to 4 activities set up in different parts of the room that students can move between. OR dissection time!

I struggle with keeping track of time, so I’m thinking I’ll set up alarms on my tablet (since I ain’t got a smartphone!) for each transition. When doing an activity at home your time constraints might not be as tight, but to make sure we get to everything I’m going to have cut off narrations and questions after the 10 minutes. To make sure we don’t go too long on any one subject, here at home, we use a timer. Alarms means I don’t have to reset the timer and the specific time isn’t going to change week to week (unlike at home, where one day we start at 830 and next day we start at 845…)

There are weeks/topics that don’t have any sort of activity to take from the book (I tend to either use the activity from the book or upgrade it, not come up with some new activity). If I can’t come up with anything, we will spend the “activity” time discussing the topic, with structure in the form of a bit of extra reading, alternative viewpoints and questions.

Pam Barnhill of https://edsnapshots.com/blog talks about ‘procedure lists’ and even offers neat looking forms for writing out procedures for your subjects in the Plan Your Year set. She talks about using these in history, geography and all sorts of subjects.

If you are doing a more formal science course this year, at home or elsewhere, what procedures do you foresee needing? I’m planning to write out procedures for

• activity stations
• dissections
• microscope use
• cleaning up

And I’ll have that procedure list out for students to reference each week.

 

thoughts on diapers

I’m cloth diapering my 2nd child. And going strong.

I’ve also sought to have a greater understanding of the diapering world in general. And I’ve come to the conclusion that you cannot chose cloth vs sposie on a mere financial basis.

If you chose sposies, you take on the cost of purchasing diapers for at least 2 and maybe 3 or 4 years per child. You might take on a monetary cost of disposing of those diapers, or it might merely be the environmental cost of disposal.

If you chose cloth, you take on the cost of purchasing the diapers (so many options!) and the cost of cleaning the diapers (detergent, water, wear and tear on the machines). You get to use the diapers for a 2nd or 3rd baby if you have more come along, but they will wear out (or covers will) so you will need to purchase more at some point with enough time and use.

But comparison is nearly impossible. After 2 road trips where we used sposies, I’ve still not used up the box of diapers I purchased. After all, these things are designed to go 12 hours if needed… they make great overnight diapers! I felt weird leaving my baby in a diaper for more 2 or 3 hours (not poopy, just wet), but I also knew there was a lot of absorbency not yet used in that diaper. So you can’t just count how many sposie diapers someone might use… they might change baby often or they might chose to let those diapers get super full. That could be the difference of 1 diaper to 8 diapers a day!

There are other comparisons that can be made. And if you can make an informed decision, that’s the best way to make a decision, really. So here’s what I’ve thought of. Please add your thoughts in the comments!

Sposies keep super absorbent chemical compounds right up next to your baby’s parts. On the one hand, it helps in keeping baby feeling dry. But… chemicals…. And sposies are scented, sometimes strongly.

In cloth, you can choose all natural fiber fabrics, all microfiber nifty stuff, and whatever mix you want. You chose what you wash in, so you decide, to some extent, what kind of chemicals (detergents, etc) you are applying to your diapers and what scent if any, they will have.

Changing a poopy diaper is easier with sposies. You just wrap the poop and the poopy wipes up in the diaper, fold it over on itself and put it in the trash can. Then wash your hands. Easy. But you have just put human waste into a landfill. That is a big no-no in general. Yes, you can use human waste as fertilizer on your garden, as they do in many developing countries, but you don’t want to… because parasites and other illness borne on the human poop that infect humans.  And so, if we can avoid putting human poop in the landfill, that is nice. Plus, the diapers have crazy water absorbing chemicals… that is a crazy something to add to the natural world.

With cloth diapers, poopy diapers are a bit more work. If baby is exclusively breast feeding, that poopy diaper just goes in the pail and it all gets washed in the washer. EBF poop is water soluble and just washes out nicely. Once baby starts eating solids… anything that is not breast milk… that poop needs washing off *before* the diaper gets to the washing machine. So, you are to tip the solids in the toilet. Ah-ha. Whoever first said that hadn’t been changing diapers all that long because most of the poop while baby is both eating and nursing is a nasty mixture of some rather wet some rather solid poop and it does NOT just tip off the diaper. So, a diaper sprayer is super handy. And sometimes, it takes a bit of time and spraying….

Having a diaper sprayer is super nice. You can now rinse muddy and sandy clothes off into the tub or toilet so you don’t burden the washing machine with said mud and sand. And little boys will love getting to rinse feet off if it happens to be by the tub (or not…). And if someone has a messy or sensitive bum, it’s nice to easily give a rinse. And post birth, it works better than a peri bottle.

Baby clothes are designed to fit over a dry sposie.

Fluffy bums are just so cute.

Add your pros and cons!

You can find more of my ‘diaper’ posts here

Timelines and Schedules, CM style

I am so proud of myself! I got our timeline up and got a schedule laid out for our school time. I have felt so busy with a lot to do, and I’m struggling to keep the important separate from the merely urgent. But, in my struggle, I’m overcoming, so feeling some success.

Timeline

Charlotte Mason talks about helping children gain a sense of history:

Once Intellect admits us into the realms of History, we live in a great and stirring world, full of entertainment and sometimes of regret; and at last we begin to understand that we, too, are making History, and that we are all part of the whole; that the people who went before us were all very like ourselves, or else we should not be able to understand them. (Ourselves, pg 37)

Plan to work with Little Man to create a personal timeline of a sort, but I think our timeline on the wall will help put all the various things we read about into perspective. As we come across something in our reading, I’m creating little 2 inch pictures (images gleaned via an online search… you’ll have to go find your own) that we can tape on the timeline in the appropriate spot. And I have a picture of us, as a family, to also go up in the appropriate place.

I chose a format that has it out in the open, as opposed to in a book, as I think it’s something that will get looked at more often. We often stop and look at the maps we have out on the wall, but sometimes getting a book out to look is just too much work, or a guest might not know we have that in a book. This timeline, however, is free for anyone to inspect, and will likely start some conversations, just as our maps have. And this is for the next few years. I know I’ll want my own book of centuries and timeline book for my own use soon enough. (yeah, I’m a nerd.)

A Schedule

Well, it’s not a “schedule” with times on it, but it does give an order. We found that Little Man works better have a clearly defined set of tasks, though he does argue if it’s not an ordering he likes. Having “free read” last is not something he would choose.

‘Content Read’ is a reading that varies each day, and I wasn’t sure what to call it. Today we read “The Brave 300” from Fifty Famous Stories Retold and yesterday the reading was from The Burgess Bird Book.

I wrote out, on index card, each subject for a week’s worth of school. I did this for 4 days a week, since (1) I’m not worried about finishing all of Year 1 in one year and (2) when co-op starts in Sept, we will only have the 4 days, assuming we do school every weekday. Yes, I’ll have to figure out doing our errand running and doing school both on one day. Others have figured this out, I can, too.

I color coded each subject by the ‘type’ of work it required. For example, those subjects that require oral narration*, I coded blue. I grouped all the music study, picture study, poetry and free read together (red) since they are a lot of input type work, and less output. Copy work, nature study, drawing, timeline (which has replaced recitation), and geography were grouped b/c they require some kind of hand work (writing, etc). Bob Book (phonics/reading) and Chinese are group because they are both strongly language learning focused. Recitation got moved to the bottom, and timeline was put in its place, as I feel it will happen outside of school time most weeks.

My laying out of the subjects in the order they are in is designed to separate like subjects. When I was happy with the ordering, I taped them to the poster board.  I’ve seen this type of scheduling in other places, and you can even buy cards from at least one place. I’m more happy with the index cards… I didn’t have to buy anything new to do, and it also means I didn’t feel bad when Little Man decided to draw an arrow on one in an attempt to trade 2 subjects. He wanted “Free Read” to come earlier in the line up. This affirms my thought that the free read is a motivation to get through the other, less loved things.

I like doing stuff with my own hands, so both these items were right up my alley. I hope the ideas help others figure out what will work in their homes. What ways have you done a history timeline? How do you organize your school time?

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*narration, at its simplest, is telling back what you read or heard. This is a central part of the student both showing that they were paying attention and giving the student the chance to process the ideas he heard/read. It’s a lot harder than it sounds. At this age, in year 1, students do oral narration, such that they tell about what they heard or read. Later, students will begin written narrations, such that they write down about what they heard or read.

Reviving the comatose blog

Yeah, okay. My last post was December 11, 2015. It’s been 20 months since I’ve written. In that time, we transferred 2 embryos, found that 1 had implanted, gave birth to that one baby boy, did school, graduated Hubby with his PhD, got to the Great Sand Dunes National Park, got the Lego business running at a higher level, and started Year 1 for Little Man’s schooling. It’s true, the days are long, but the years are short.

In the past few months I’ve found that I want to start writing again, but starting writing after not writing for so long is hard. What will people think? What explanation should I give for not writing? Can I keep it up this time or will I flake out again at some point?

And when you don’t know exactly what to write about, you write shorts. Yes?

Year 1

This is how we label the year of school a child is in when using a Charlotte Mason method of education. I’m using Amblesideonline.com, and I’ve been delving deep in Mason’s philosophy of education. We started back on July 5, as it was just too hot to be outside much. I plan a longish break come mid-Sept so we can do lots more outside than the minimal 30 minutes in the morning.

Mr Wigglesworth

Oh, my, this last year has gone so fast! He is now 11 months, and has gone from an awkward army crawl to pulling up, without doing any classical crawling in between. He’s working on lots of words and is all over the place.

PhD

graduation!

Finally! We got Hubby graduated. It was 8 years to finish a 5 year program, but he had successfully defended the dissertation in March of 2016 (which was only 7 years). The department head was able to be generous and let him stay on that extra time which allowed us to do the small business thing….

Younger and Son LLC is up and running!

Me playing with Lego Printing

Mostly…. We’ve got some work to do on the website and blog before it is uploaded, but we have many ideas brewing and hope to bring them to the wider public soon. We are creating Lego Mosaics, Busy Bags, Printing kits…. oh, it’s so exciting!

CM Biology

I am teaching a high school biology class this next school year at the co-op we participate in. As I’ve been delving into the CM (Charlotte Mason) philosophies so deeply, I so very much want to do this class as CM as possible. I have plans! I have ideas! I want to write about it so others can do the same, particularly for all those homeschool moms who are fearful of dissection. So, we will see how this pans out.

Great Sand Dunes National Park

I cannot leave this out. We had such a wonderful time, and it was the first time to take Mr Wigglesworth camping. The night was so cold (mid 30s), and we were not fully prepared for camping with a baby over a cold night. He didn’t want to sleep with me in the sleeping bag, which is what we had planned. So, it was the car seat to the rescue. Luckily, we had brought a blanket to go under us and a comforter to go over us, so we could put that over him and there he stayed warm enough, even if he did wake every hour or two to nurse.

The dunes were a ton of fun, and it was great to get out camping again.

Any fun things going on for you right now? I’d love to hear about it!

How many children do you have?

Usually when someone asks, “How many children do you have?” they usually mean to ask how many children are you feeding, caring for, dressing, etc right now. But since you become a parent when that baby is conceived (aka fertilization), and that parent-child relationship isn’t changed by the unborn-status or death of that child, it is far more accurate for me to talk about the 7 children God has given me.

We have Little Man, who is 4 years old, and Ananias is in heaven with Jesus. We lost baby Ananias in June 2013, and it was an early miscarriage. But since we believe that life begins at fertilization, and even the single celled zygote is a person, our child, we openly claim that child. Just as if someone lost their baby during infanthood, or childhood, that parent-child relationship doesn’t change, so it is the same when the baby dies at the early stages of pregnancy.

In the same way, now that the contract phase is done, we are now the parents of 5 more babies, even in the frozen, very early developmental stage. So, if you ask me now, I’ll tell you I’m the mother of 7 children. God has given us one, so far, to raise, and he has taken one, so far, home to be with him. We don’t know what God has for those other five, but we are eager to find out. Yes, even if it means he is taking some or all home to be with him, we want to know.

Embryo Adoption, questions and answers

We started the journey of embryo adoption in March 2015. When we tell someone that we are doing embryo adoption, most often, the question is “What is that?” It is a most reasonable question, so I hope to answer it a series of blog posts answering the most common questions we are asked.

What is an embryo?
The word “embryo” describes a stage of development. In non-technical language, an embryo is the unborn or unhatched offpsring. In more technical language, the embryo is unborn offspring from the 4th day after fertilization through 8 weeks. During this time, the human baby goes from being a single cell with 1/2 its genetic material from mom and 1/2 from dad to being a fully formed baby with heart, lungs, legs, arms, brain, eyes, ears, nose, mouth. Human babies at 8 weeks of development very much look like a baby that has just been born, though many of their body systems are still immature.

Where do these embryos come from?
During in-vitro fertilization, eggs are harvested from a woman and fertilized with sperm collected from a man. In the United States, several IVF embryos are usually created at once, since the cost is in the fertilizing of the eggs and its not that much more expensive to fertilize many eggs at once (bulk discount of a sort). And since there is no guarantee that any single embryo will implant and gestate to full term, many couples find they need to do multiple transfers to get 1 live birth. A couple might have 1 or 2 embryos transferred immediately and any other embryos will be frozen so that they can be transferred later.

Why do these embryos need to be adopted?
Sometimes, a couple has all the children they want, but have embryos they never transferred. Or, perhaps due to any variety of circumstances, its determined that a woman can’t carry a baby. A couple then has a few options as to what to do with these embryos. They can discard the embryos, donate them to research, leave them frozen indefinitely or donate/make an adoption plan for the embryos. Both discarding the embryos and donating them to research means death to the babies. Some couples don’t want to take those options, so they either continue to pay the storage fees or find another couple who will accept the embryos.

Will you transfer them all at once?
No, we will transfer up to 2 at a time. Yes, this opens up the possibility of twins, but we accept and welcome that possibility.

How many children will you have?
7! Little Man, who is 4, Ananias, who died at about 6 weeks development, and these 5 frozen babies makes 7 children. Why do we talk about it this way? Because the parent-child relationship doesn’t change with death. I will talk more about this in the next blog post.

Any more questions? Please ask! You can email me at the [dot] china [dot] lady @ gmail [dot] com (change all [dot] to periods, and remove spaces) or leave a comment here.

Having it all together

I wrote this draft in February of 2014. On reflection, I realize how very much was going on. I was dealing with ‘weening blues’… Little Man had started weening the fall before and it was wrecking havoc on my hormones. We were wanting to try to get pregnant again, which meant we needed Little Man to finish weening, give my hormones a chance to settle down, then we could see what would happen. With that in mind, here’s what I wrote:

My dad gave me a great compliment the other day… he said “I’m so proud of you. You’ve really got it together and you don’t get overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed over the business of life.” I felt an odd need to defend myself in that I don’t have it all together, I do get overwhelmed, stressed out and grumpy over all of it. But the Hubby-man is amazingly able to help me pull it together, get a few things done, and move on.

I’ve had several projects recently (as in late 2013) that I reached an “ARGH!” point where I stressed, freaked out, and verbally vomited all over Hubby-man. He is so effective at helping me deal in these situations that those outside our family rarely see the moments. And they are short lived, as in less than an hour usually.

It struck me, though, when Dad complimented me, that others might see me in the same light. And I desire that people know I don’t always have it together, but I try to be proactive about living life intentionally and living life in a state of peace and joy. As I thought over this, I realized my general ability to get back on track comes from three different areas, and I thought I’d discuss each area in turn. Today, the practicals of getting a handle on life at this point in life. Tomorrow, the foundations of having the right perspective on getting a handle on life. Day after, how knowing yourself helps a ton in getting a handle on life.

The practicals of getting a handle on life at this point in life
In light of the many flopped 2013 goals, my primary ‘goal’ for 2014 was something to the effect of ‘get a handle on life’. I flopped on so many of my 2013 goals that I decided to not make any such goals for 2014. For those who know me, they know that this is revolutionary and very out of character. I am a goal setter, list maker achiever. But before you start to wonder who this is and where did the Mom-mom go, I did decide to work on 1 or 2 habits each month this year to help me ‘get a handle on life’. And there were several things I decided to stop doing. So, here’s how 2014 is different…

• No goals. Having a 2 1/2 year old (who turns 3 in May) around means less time for projects of the ‘no, you can’t be involved’ sort. My goals tend to be oriented in this way. Yes, I’ll still do some sewing and other projects, but I take them on as I have time and inclination. I’m not setting out a set of them as goals to do in 2014. Its just the right time of life to work like this. At least for me it isn’t.
• Work on establishing good habits. For example, for January, I focused on daily routines and regular exercise. And, I’m working on the same habits in February since I felt that I didn’t really establish these as habits yet.
• Not gardening. I love getting out in the soil, planting, watching things grow. I don’t like getting up early to water and weeding. I certainly love the idea of canning and preserving and having a store of food that we raised ourselves. But really, this is a family project. I’m so thankful I have the freedom to just buy my fruits and veggies and meat from the store and be done with it. I will garden again, just not in the near future.
• Sometimes laundry stays piled in the living room for a day or two (or three). Sometimes the floor of the dining room gets a bit grimy. In other words, I’ve figured out what things I can live with and when I need to slack on something, I have a few things I can slack on without feeling guilty.
• Remind myself often that most tasks are not huge tasks that take a long time to do. They are relatively quick. Rotating laundry. Wiping off the table. Putting books away (goodness, I’m as bad about having stacks of books around as Little Man is!). Making the bed. Vacuuming. Sweeping. Flylady teaches “You can do anything in 15 minutes (except whine).” Sometimes, I have to verbally remind myself, “this is a 5 (or less) minute task”.

I figure that as life progresses and our situation changes, I’ll have to make more adjustments. It might be that in 2015, I’m ready for goals again, and that might not happen till 2016. And I’ve decided I’m gonna be good with that. It helps that I know what’s important.

The key here is that I stepped back from what wasn’t working (making goals) to consider why it might not work (full time caretaker and Mom-mom of a little, sleep deprivation at times, general natural tendency) and how I might still get to where I want to go.

I’m inclined to say that if you feel like you don’t have a handle on life, work on some simple routines first. Simplify your general expectations (any other perfectionists out there?). Cut out extra projects/tasks (simplify!). Figure out what is truly important and focus on those things. (more on that tomorrow)**

**I didn’t end up doing more on this series. I might pursue it, especially now that I’ve come through that time, found my feet and am finding myself *feeling* rather stable. Just remember, no matter how together someone seems, they probably aren’t *that* well put together.

‘unschooling’: faith and academics

What is ‘unschooling’? I can see this question in people’s faces regularly when I mention it. A young man stopped by at one point to try and sell us books “designed” to keep your child interested in reading and learning. When I said, “well, we prefer to have living books around here that we learn from. So, I don’t think your books are a good fit for us right now.” I also name dropped “Charlotte Mason” in there, and the poor young man was very quick to leave at that point. I never mentioned ‘unschooling’ to him, but that might have made him run from our home even faster.

I had a friend write me what ‘unschooling’ is and how its different from self-directed learning and traditional schooling. That is a huge question, and I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer it…. yet.

Here is the beginning of an answer.

In the book “Unschooling Rules: 55 ways to unlearn what we know about schools and rediscover education”, Clark Aldrick argues that we must first teach children how to BE. Then, we can teach them to DO, and after that we can teach them to KNOW. (Generally, these days, education seems to be all concerned about what children KNOW, but doesn’t address the first two.) I think he’s got something very right here, but as he expands the idea he sets the bar awfully low. Aldrick states that learning to BE is about learning what you love, what you are good at, what you dream, and your role in a group (or larger society, even?). Really, though the question(s) could be much bigger… ‘Who am I?” “Who am I made to be?” “Where do I find my worth?” “From what place do I interact with others and how does that affect how I should treat others?”

Who do I want my child to be? I want my children to grow to be upright, God-fearing members of society (moral development!). I want them to be emotionally healthy members of society (emotional development). Whether any of my children got to college, or beyond, is more about what they choose and I will strive to provide the foundation so they can go in whatever direction they want, but, really, that is secondary (intellectual/academic development). I think ‘unschooling’ addresses the intellectual/academic development properly, letting children work in a way that is more self-directed, at their own pace, and according to their own interests.

How does this work in real life? Seriously, what three (or four or five) year old actually has any idea of what they want to learn about? If he had his druthers he’d sit around watching movies and eating peanut butter and candy canes (and starbursts and chocolate chips… you get the idea). Really, he isn’t going to learn to be a God-fearing, upright member of society on his own. Some teaching of some kind is needed, I think. There are certain things that I think are necessary things for a child to learn, and other things that are truly optional. Character is necessary, academics are optional.

It all comes down to being intentional. I don’t expect a child to just pick up good character and faith in God, especially not if I’m not living it. And I can’t expect my child to listen to my words if my life doesn’t reflect the same message. The book “Sticky Faith” discusses this extensively, and its not my purpose to retell what that books has to say (its worth reading as a parent or grandparent who desires to see an active faith passed on). A very simplified version is “live it out, talk about it, invite them along for the ride”.

Academics work the same way. If I’m not living a life of learning, how can I expect my child to? The best way to educate my child is to live it out, talk about it, and invite him along for the ride. No, this doesn’t mean I have to be all into mud like my child is. But it does mean he should be seeing me read, seeing me study, watch me be a learner. Then, I can talk about what I’m learning (no, he’s not interested in the history of the Renaissance era), and how I’m enjoying it. I can also talk about what we might do, like build a fort, blow bubbles or do paper mache. And then I invite him to do it with me. We practice taking turns as we take turns with the different items used to blow bubbles. We learn to work together as he wields the glue and I put down the craft sticks. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to invite him to do paper mache with me, that will be very messy (we did do paper mache together… it was so messy he didn’t want to do much).

This is unschooling. Live a life of learning. Talk about it. Invite others along for the ride. This is how faith is passed on. Live a life of faith. Talk about it. Invite others along for the ride.