Well, not really. But in some sense, yes. There have been a lot of ups and downs lately and the general lack of energy to do more than what must be done. I keep reminding myself that this is a phase of life and it, too, will pass, and there will be parts of this time that I miss.
Months and months ago, when Doctor Destructo started weaning and moving to table food, I began to struggle with general fatigue. Then the negative days hit. I’m reluctant to call those times ‘depressive’ or ‘depression’ because there is so much baggage with those words, but they might be the best description. Basically, I was feeling so behind and like such a failure. I’d have days where I just couldn’t overcome the inertia of getting going. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t getting anything done, as I was, but my perception was that I was getting nothing done and ‘oh, how horrible life is now’. I knew this was wrong. I knew that I was getting things done (that needed to get done), that life was pretty good, and I was living a very blessed life. But I just couldn’t shake those negative feelings.
I’d read some about ‘weaning depression’ (c.f. postpartum depression), and thought that it might get better when Doctor D completely weaned.
Several months later, I decided it was time for Doctor D to finish weaning. He was only nursing before naps and bed and those where quick (less than 5 minutes, generally). So, Hubby and I agreed on a day and went for it. That was a rough week. Doctor D did just fine going to sleep, but he would wake up and DEMAND to nurse. And that child has a nice set of lungs and some powerful muscles. With Hubby there to help comfort, we got through those days of transition (they were really only a few days, though it FELT like weeks). Doctor D adjusted and is now a rather happy toddler.
But my emotional swings didn’t change. It felt like those negative days got more and worse. I found myself breaking down into tears when Doctor D looked at me funny. Finally, I poured it all out to Hubby. I told my Dad and my sister about it. I felt like I was at the end of my rope.
Strangely, after that those days lightened up. I still had tired days, but those negative days evaporated. Yeah, I think a good bit was hormones. It was 3 or 4 months after weaning that those negative days disappeared, so maybe it just took a few months for my hormones to regulate. Or perhaps it had something to do with talking about them. I’m not sure about it. I wish I did know.
I still have tired days, but, as Hubby reminds me, Doctor D is one very energetic ball of energy to keep up with. Yes, that redundancy was intentional. Last week, I went to bed crazy early a few nights and I’ve been feeling even better since.
Hopefully, that explains my long absence.
I always have lots of blogger ideas, and I hope see some of them come to fruition. Here’s one or two…
Remember that “I won’t buy new clothes” pledge? See here for the original post. Well, 2013 is looming, and I haven’t purchased any new clothes all year! I did receive a few shirts as gifts, and I made one new tunic top, but I actually didn’t purchase any clothes for myself at all! Woot!
I love moneysavingmom.com. And I love how she posts her goals each week. I wish I was that organized and on top of things.
Yea for Thanksgiving, but I need Thanksgiving decorations.
And Doctor D calls. That was an amazing nap, dude. Thank you.